better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
