you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
