the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
