I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Enjoy the penises
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
