this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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