I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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