I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
