I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
vagina is talking i cant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
