dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
