Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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