i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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