I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
