sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
