Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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