She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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