A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
