I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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