I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
