ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
