I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
