don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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