Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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