This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
