Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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