Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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