i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
