I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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