i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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