i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
