So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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