I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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