when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
