A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
