Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
