so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ladies don't puke and tell
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