Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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