Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
