this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
