Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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