Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
