just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
