Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
