I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
