i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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