Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
