Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
