addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
