I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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