On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
