Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
