I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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