She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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