I cannot find my penis.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
