Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
