My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
