ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you win again, gameday.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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