she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
